11/22/2013

Last Night

[Content Note: sexual assault]

Last night, a guy motor-boated me in a club. In case you don't know what that is, "motor-boating" is when a person puts his/her face inside another person's breasts and shakes it from side to side, while imitating the sound a motorboat's engine would make. I reacted by backing off and telling him not to fucking touch me and that it is not okay to do that to someone. He kept trying to come near me to tell me something (apologize maybe?) but I was having none of it - I don't need an explanation for this disgusting behavior, and I just rejected his advances by whipping his hands away from my body and refusing to let him come near me.

The worst part was the reaction of the people around me.

I asked one of his friends to tell the motor-boater that it's not okay to do that, and the response was "he's just taking a piss" (for anyone not familiar with this expression, it means "he's only joking"). Everyone around me, about 10-15 guys looked at me in shock. At me, the receiver of this disgusting behavior, nobody looked at him.

While I was distancing myself from the motor-boater, I was approached by a guy, who said he had seen what happened, and asked me where my friends were, and when I told him I was on my own, he told me I should probably go home.

Why should I have to leave a club I have paid to get into because another person cannot control their behavior around other human beings? Why does it even matter whether I was on my own or not - the implication of that question is that it is somehow my fault for not having others to rely on, when the reality is that it would have happened if I had been with others. Unless the others were males that is, because somehow that deters predators from interacting with their prey, the presence of another cock who can claim ownership to the pussy in question, because instead of looking at me as a person, I am looked at as someone else's property, whether I am Miss or Mrs.

Of course none of what I tried to say really mattered, as I was silenced with "I'm just trying to help". Again, making me seem like the overreacting one when I am being confronted by a victim-blaming self important "savior" who thinks his views on the situation are more important than mine, the person who lived it. Cherry on top of the cake, his friends started filming or photographing me as I talked to him - when I asked him why, he said "Don't worry about them, they are just assuming we are going to fuck because we are talking" - ........................... There are too many things fucked up about that situation, but I'm not going to get into that right now.

Another fine male approached me as I was on my way to get a security guard, and when I asked him if he knew the guy he said "No, I don't know what you are on about" and while I was telling him what happened, he started groping at his imaginary breasts in a very disturbing fashion - good to know how seriously I'm taken.

After I basically told him to fuck off and not talk to me (several times, he was a clingy one) another bystander approached me to offer me some more unsolicited advice. "If it was me, I'd probably go home". More of his pearls of wisdom included "You're in a nightclub, what do you expect", "Alcohol does this to people" and "You'll probably have a better time at home".

I said thank you, but no thank you. I don't need yet another person who seems to think that the solution is to remove me rather than the pig who thinks its okay to lick the breasts of a person he has never met before. "I'm not going anywhere, and I hope he doesn't do that to any other girls, because he's the issue, not me" is all I could reply to that guy before completely losing interest in his existence.

The whole situation felt alienating, I have never felt so alone in my life while surrounded by that many people. I had to take a moment in a bathroom stall to cry because it was that painful. I am crying now writing this, out of anger that someone did this to me, frustration at the people who thought they were helping me when they were really doing the exact opposite, and sadness because this happens and it is only the tip of the iceberg that is sexism in a nightclub.

I must say that the security guards reacted exceptionally. The guy was kicked out as soon as I pointed him out, and I was asked about having seen other guys that there had been complaints about. Their no bullshit approach is what gave me the strength to stay and try to enjoy my night, because their presence restored a sense of security that I had been previously completely stripped of.

I managed to find some familiar faces who did offer me the support that I really needed in that moment, and ended spending the rest of the night with them. However, outside the nightclub, yet another knight in shining armor came up to me to give me a hug and tell me how "that guy was a dick" and "don't think about it" and "don't think about it" and "don't think about it" and "don't think about it". All I could say was "Don't tell me what to do after a stranger put his tongue on my skin against my will, if you want to be helpful, shut the fuck up". He probably thought I was over-reacting. I don't give a fuck. I don't give two shits. I don't give three motherfucking damns about the victim blaming society that so many people seem to be okay floating around in.

That kind of touching is sexual assault. I was sexually assaulted last night in a nightclub, with 10-15 witnesses and none of them gave a fuck. What it boiled down to (in their eyes) was a prime opportunity to approach me for their own purposes, and not for the comforting they pretended to be offering.

Do not tell me to get over it, do not tell me not to think about it, do not ask me what I was wearing, do not try to rationalize the behavior of the asshole who touched me sexually without my consent. You sit there and you listen to me, end of. I don't need your advice, I need your support, and that support is best offered with your mouth shut. All I needed was a hug, and all I got was pity, blaming, and condescension.

So, to anyone who ever touches anyone else without their consent, and to anyone who thinks "it is what it is" about that situation, fuck you. Seriously, go fucking die, you won't be missed.


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